I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
