I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
