make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize