Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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