The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
