Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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