is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
