Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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