If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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