There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My dick has a subreddit
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
