ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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