all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
