I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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