i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
