OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
