but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
