Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
