Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
