So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
