here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
