I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
