dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
