Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
