my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
