I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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