I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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