Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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