so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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