What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
