if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
