i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
