you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
