please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
