Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
