Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
