Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
