You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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