Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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