I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
