but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
