Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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