Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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