so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
