She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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