We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
