That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
