I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
