i was born a porn star she said
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
