OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
