She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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