she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
