I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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