He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
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You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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