my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So much rum. So many feels.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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