My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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