Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
