if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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