and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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