Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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