i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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