Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
