Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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