pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
