i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
