Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
