she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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