Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
His hands were made for my vagina.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
