looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize