I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
