Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
