when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
