I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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