last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
