help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
